Thursday, March 31, 2011

Blindsided

My intention wasn't really to make "pun" of anything, but the title just happened to be the first word I thought of when I decided to write about this.

I received some upsetting news at my routine eye exam Tuesday.  I've long known my vision was deteriorating, but I assumed it was another toll my advancing age was taking on me.  For almost their entire lives, any time my grandkids thrust some tiny object in front of my face I've reminded them that I'm "blind" and can't begin to see it without my glasses.  But when I learned there is a problem with one of my retinas, the fear of losing my sight, even if only in one eye, became very real to me.

There are so many things I want to do in life.  With the exception of sleeping, all the others are best done with good (or at least adequate) vision.  How can I beat my husband at tennis if I can't see the ball?  I missed the entire ski season this year because of my recovering ankle; will my family ski without me from now on?  And I already have trouble crafting due to my weak vision.  (Well, that and a lack of talent and creativity--even perfect eyesight can't solve that problem.) 

I haven't yet been told the potential outcome of my condition, and frankly I was too afraid to ask.  What little I can find about it online doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy.  At the moment all I've been told is that it could resolve on its own, or I might need to see a retinal specialist.  For what I'm not sure, but in my anxiety-driven mind I can imagine all kinds of unpleasant scenarios.  I'm trying not to worry, but that really isn't in my genetic makeup. So I'll sit back and relax until my follow-up visit in two months.  Yeah...sure.

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