Recharge and Repeat

Just as I was anticipating enjoying the final chapter of my life when my younger grand/daughter graduates high school next year, my husband decided to add to my "to do" list and hire me as his work assistant. I have no problem helping my husband at his job, especially since it appears to be the only way I'll ever see him. But I'm tired.

Anyway, as I was working on my laptop computer, I noticed the battery was almost depleted. I had been so busy trying to learn how to do my new job that I hadn't remembered to plug it in to recharge.

Today, that's how I feel.

I don't have the hardest life out there. I also know I've been blessed in so many ways. However, that seems to add a layer of guilt to my feelings of being overwhelmed by life. How can I, Suburban Housewife and Mom, be anything but joyful???!!! My husband works hard to support us, our children are staying out of trouble (I think), we have a comfortable place to rest our heads at night, and as far as I know, nobody is looking to do us harm.

But I'm tired.

Did I say that already? Sometimes I simply want to repeat it. Or shout if from the clocktower.

I'm entering year 42 of child raising. I love my children with all my heart. But I don't know how much more energy I can expend disciplining, reminding, cajoling, comforting, cooking, cleaning, encouraging, listening, disciplining, reminding, cajoling, cooking, cleaning...

It never ends. And I'm still tired.

Over the past few months I've also lost two people I love very much, and even though I try to move forward in life as best I can, sometimes the memory washes over me like a giant wave out of nowhere and takes my breath away.

Sometimes I just need someone to listen. Someone who cares. Someone who will laugh with me about the absurdity of 42 consecutive years of trying to get little people to do what they need to do in order to become fully functioning big people.

I need a recharge. Or at this point, maybe it isn't just the battery; maybe I've served all I can and it's time for a new, more powerful machine to take over.

The household manual is in the kitchen drawer. Unless someone removed it and "forgot" to return it to its rightful place. If so, Shiny New Machine, you're on your own.