Wednesday, August 25, 2010

A Very Good Day

The clouds parted, the sun shone through, and for a brief moment I think I even saw the face of God.

It was the first day of the rest of my life.  Glory hallelujah, it was the first day of school.

Straight from the Doctor's Mouth

In case you've been lucky enough to miss my previous whining,  I've been feeling old.  Really, really old.

I had my yearly physical today and I hated every minute of it.  Until the very end, when the doctor sat across his desk from me with his findings...

"You're young and healthy."

The doctor said it, and in my book that makes it official.  I'm young.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Late Night Insecurity

I'm really tired of seeing all the ads on TV Land for a show called She's Got the Look.  It's a modeling competition for women over 35.  The host is Brooke Burke, who likes to shove it in our faces  remind us that for a woman over 35, she looks really good.  I've been told that for a woman over 60, I  look good.

I would like to say it makes me feel better to be told that.  But it doesn't.  I'm only 51.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Sleepless in Seattle (and elsewhere)

When will the anxiety ease and let me get some sleep?

I haven't accomplished much in my life and I'm running out of time, and this knowledge is keeping me up at night.  So of course if I'm not sleeping, I'm too tired to do anything the next day.

Vicious circle indeed.

Three's Company (The TV Show)

A ribald comedy about the madcap adventures of three zany roommates and their crazy neighbors.

That's the description that formed in my sleepy head at 4 a.m. when I watched the opening credits.

There was a time this show seemed so, well...risque.  Keep in mind that even though I grew up during the sexual revolution, most of my early tv viewing consisted of innocent family comedies where married couples slept in separate beds.  (Well, until Mike and Carol Brady.  But they always had kids running in and out of their bedroom, so it's no wonder the only thing they seemed to do in there at night was read.)  Three's Company was a complete departure from the other sitcoms I'd seen.  Just in case you missed it (then, or now in reruns on TV Land) the premise was that two girls and a guy decided to share an apartment, but could only get approval from the old-fashioned landlord if the guy pretended to be gay.  He was definitely straight.  When he wasn't trying to deceive the clueless landlord he was at the local bar, The Regal Beagle, trying to pick up women. The show pushed the boundaries of the day, but it was all talk.  I don't remember ever seeing even a hint that anybody was actually having sex.  (Maybe it was more like The Brady Bunch than I thought.)

In hindsight, it was tame.  And lame.  And I loved it.   But some things never change.  Larry still gives me the creeps.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Debating with a Twelve-Year-Old

The grandkids want a pet.  Well, to be specific, they want to adopt a stray kitten that has been meowing incessantly at my back door.  Not gonna happen.

I gave in when my own two offspring begged for pets.  Being quite naive, I allowed them to adopt two kittens from the same litter. One for each of them.  Turns out there was a male and a female.  Much to my surprise and horror, animals have no boundaries in regards to all things incestuous.  Not to mention I thought the kittens were still too young to be having sex.  HA HA HA HA!!!!!  We soon had an entire litter of kittens.

HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still can't believe I was that naive.

Anyway, back to my current situation.  Both kids have been begging to take in this sad little kitten.  I keep saying "NO!", but it falls on deaf ears.  I have stressed the importance of ignoring its meows so it will eventually move on to a kinder, more accepting neighbor.  Yet they (and the kitten) continue to try to wear me down.

Not gonna happen.

So this afternoon as we were running errands in heavy traffic with my husband at the wheel (never a good combination for my peace of mind), the twelve-year-old (who I butt heads with regularly) asks me if I'm in a good mood.  I remind her I'm never in a good mood.   She says "nevermind then", to which I reply, "If I was in a good mood, why would you want to ask a question that you know is going to ruin it?"  (Sounded logical to me.)  I encouraged her to go ahead and ask whatever it was that she obviously knew I wouldn't appreciate, and to please not waste any theoretical good mood I might someday have.

"Can we keep that kitten?"  "NO!" I said.  "Why not?"  "Because I don't want the responsibility of a pet!"  (Yes, I was yelling but only because I've answered this same line of questioning six billion times just this week.  With two different people.)  "But you let Mama and Jaclyn have pets!"  "Yes", I said, growing ever-more frustrated.  "I'm supposed to be traveling at this stage of my life, not worrying about pets!  I don't want to have to board a pet every time I want to take a trip."  "That's not fair!  Why did Mama and Jaclyn get to have pets and we don't?"  "Because things are different now.  Life isn't fair."  (At this point I thought an analogy might help her understand.  Again, I must laugh at the naivete I possess.)  "I didn't get to travel or take vacations when I was a kid, but all my friends did.  That wasn't fair, either. And now I want to take trips without worrying about pets."  "Yeah, but you were poor.  That's why you couldn't take vacations!"  "Yes", I said, "and that wasn't fair to me!  It wasn't my fault we were poor, but that's how life works."  "But that's different!  You were poor so that's why you didn't get to take vacations.  Why can't we have a pet???"

There's a reason savvy parents combine the phrases "No" and "Because I said so".  You just can't argue with kids.