Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Life Changing Events



After 18 years in a vegetative state, my (ever-so-slightly) older sister passed away on Saturday.

I'm not sure the reality has quite hit me yet. I don't think I've had enough "alone time" to process it. With a family and responsibilities, life tends to go on as usual...even when it's not.

The last two weeks were filled with death and the overwhelming sense of loss we feel when someone we love and/or respect leaves this earth...and us...behind. I was saddened to learn of the passing of George H. W. Bush, a man I truly believe wanted the best for America and her citizens. Then my son-in-law learned of the tragic death of his aunt, which was terribly heartbreaking for his entire family.

My sister's death, as surprising as this sounds, was unexpected. I suppose my siblings and I have all spent the past 18 years knowing it was coming, but it still seemed to come out of the blue. Teresa had been through so much since her surgery and the complications that followed, and after the death of our mother (who lovingly cared for her at home for the first 6 1/2 years), her transfer to a nursing home signaled the beginning of many hospitalizations. But she had held on through so many dire circumstances that we were beginning to believe she would outlive us all.

Big sister, Teresa, looking out for me as usual

So today my heart is heavy, but there is also a sense of joy deep within because I truly believe she's in the arms of Jesus and reunited with our parents. Growing up, we were always encouraged to attend church, even though our parents didn't take us. I honestly don't remember exactly when or under what circumstances my siblings accepted Jesus as their Savior, but I feel confident that Teresa did at some point. I remember seeing her reading her Bible as a teenager, when all I cared about was trying to read whether some boy liked me or not.

Teresa and I both sometimes veered off the path God desired for us, and I think often the Christian community looks at people who make certain types of mistakes and declares that we must not be Christians because true Christians would never commit that particular sin.

I disagree.

I'm no Bible scholar or great theologian, and I am terribly, terribly flawed, so I usually avoid "preaching" to anybody (no matter what my children think). But as I try to comprehend the transition from this life to eternity, I want to share my thoughts and experiences because I don't want anyone to die without knowing and loving Jesus, the Creator who loved us so much He was willing to leave His perfect home in Heaven and die on a cross to give us new life in Him. And as the pastor of my church sometimes says, if anything I say isn't accurate or true, I pray God will somehow correct my mistake (so if this post mysteriously disappears from cyberspace, that might explain why.)

I became a Christian as a young child. It was so very long ago and I was so young that I don't remember much about the experience. But what I do know is that I was a painfully timid child, so I know I would never have walked alone down that church aisle if I hadn't truly wanted Jesus to be my Savior. And as I look back on my young life, I remember so many missteps, but I also remember the Holy Spirit alerting me when I was doing something sinful. I often still did it, but I use these memories to remind myself that the Holy Spirit was living inside me, guiding me as much as I would allow. Becoming a Christian doesn't make us perfect; it only makes us perfectly restored in God's eyes. It backspaces over our sins and lets us begin our story fresh. We will probably sin again tomorrow, but if we're truly redeemed by God's amazing grace we will want to please Him by the way we live our lives, even in the midst of repeated failures. So we repent and ask for forgiveness, and our sins are erased again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Jesus stated, "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." (Luke 18:17, ESV).   To me this means we can't come to Jesus with the idea of earning our salvation or of being "good enough", but we must open our hearts with complete child-like trust and accept the forgiveness that is offered through Christ's redeeming blood. Thinking back to your childhood, you probably took for granted that your parents loved you and would always provide for your needs. You didn't worry about being worthy. You simply accepted their love and care. All too often we try to make faith in Jesus complicated, when we should just be willing to accept what He offers us. I know in my own life when I receive a generous gift, it makes me want to do something generous in return or at least show my appreciation. Quite frequently I get sidetracked, and my good intentions are delayed or never happen. I think when we accept the overwhelming forgiveness Jesus offers, we find ourselves wanting to honor Him with our service, but frequently find ourselves drawn in other directions by day-to-day life. So our faith is genuine, but our lives don't reflect the gratitude we feel toward God. We mean well, but we get distracted by life and our sinful nature. But as we study God's Word to learn more about Him, and as we spend time in worship and communication with Him, we find ourselves more desperately wanting to bring honor and glory to His holy name through the way we live our lives. It's a life-long process of growth that begins with the seed of child-like faith.

I recently told a new friend that I must be the slowest-growing Christian to ever receive God's amazing grace and mercy. (Not wanting to scare her off, I didn't reveal all the ugly details that pointed to this truth!) But I tell you all this to say you don't have to wait until your life is all cleaned up to accept the salvation Jesus offers to each and every one of us. You simply offer your life to Him and let the Spirit work through you. There will be many times you will mess up. In my case, many, MANY times over the course of many, many years. But our earthly lives are only a blip in eternity, and we have no way of knowing how long that blip will last. Eternity is forever. Wouldn't you want to spend it with the God who loves you just as you are? The One who created you for a purpose and wants to lead you through the life He set forth just for you? You might think there's so much you would have to give up to follow Jesus. As someone who indulged in many of life's so-called pleasures, I assure you that after letting Jesus begin to conform you into the person He always intended you to be, you won't really miss the life you knew before. Most of those "pleasures" were really just you trying to fill the God-sized hole in your heart. He created us to have a relationship with Him, and until we do, there's nothing else that will fill that emptiness we feel. Even after we accept Him into our lives, we will most likely still let our sinful desires overtake us from time to time. And that's when the Holy Spirit will remind us that we are looking in the wrong place for fulfillment and joy. Those are the times we need to step away from what the world is telling us we need and instead spend time with God.

Open your heart to Jesus. Your life will never be the same. And that's the best thing that could ever happen to you.

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

An Old Lady Telling a Story

I've spent an inordinate amount of my life whining about things that can't be changed. If you've read my blog before, you are probably well aware of this fact. If not, and if you want to see what I'm really all about, feel free to scour the archives. But for now, on with the story...


I recently turned 60, and I wasn't happy about it.

Don't get me wrong--I'm beyond grateful that I made it this far. Most of the time. But 60 is a big number, and it seemed to be the one that signaled to me that time was running out. There are so many things I still want to do. Things I thought I'd already be doing. Things I might never get a chance to do. Ships that have sailed without me.

I was struggling to deal with all these emotions, and feeling guilty because a Christian shouldn't be depressed about getting one step closer to Heaven. Besides, life isn't all that bad. And after 40 years of raising children, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel (maybe I should stop saying that at this late stage of life).

And the truth is, the thing that was most depressing to me was living so far from my family.

I am lucky enough to have one daughter and my two grand/daughters close by (one in my own house--you can't get much closer than that!). But my other daughter and her family live hundreds of miles away. And the little grandchildren are growing up so fast--the youngest is only four months old, and changing by the day!

My sisters and brother, my built-in, lifelong friends, the people who know me all too well...and love me anyway, also live hundreds of miles away. And I miss them. I feel so disconnected. Life gets busy and it's hard to get quality time with each of them on holiday visits when there is a house full of people trying to catch up with each other in a short span of time.

So there I was feeling sorry for myself and trying really hard not to. My husband and children who live nearby all celebrated with me on my birthday, and it was lovely. They gave me gifts and beautiful, heartfelt cards. I felt loved.

But I was still 60.

When the day was over, I settled in to wait for death.

I woke up the next morning (thankfully), and it was just another day. Except I was old. Sixty years old, to be exact. Okay, it was finally here and I could stop worrying about it. But man, that number really hit hard. I've never been hit by a number before. My husband and I would be doing our usual Friday night routine at the end of the day...dinner and a trip to Costco (don't steal that phrase because I plan to write a book some day).

Anyway, I struggled to put makeup on my 60-year-old face, "style" my thinning hair, and clothe my thickening body. It was an epic fail, but off to dinner we went.

When we returned a few hours later, I walked into the house dragging my oversized Costco supplies, and was blindsided...

"SURPRISE!!!!!!!"

I couldn't believe what I saw. My loved ones had driven hundred of miles to celebrate my birthday with me!!! And my long-suffering husband, who had spent the last several months listening to me obsess over turning 60, had spent those same few months planning a surprise birthday party for me!!!

I was humbled. Having long felt isolated, lonely, and old, all too often I made everything all about me. I'm not proud of that. But when you spend so much of your life inside your own head, it's easy to do. I instantly felt ashamed that I wallow in self-pity so much. After all, it isn't all about me.

But for one amazing weekend, my family made me feel like it was.


Most of the crew, sharing the beauty of God's creation with me (we did pick up our trash)

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Commitment

I’ve tried so hard to have a more positive attitude lately, but the truth is I seem to have only succeeded in tamping down my feelings until they explode at some seemingly small incident. Life is fun like that.

God has been so good to me—not that I’m wealthy, or that I never have problems, disappointments or heartaches—but He has carried me through difficulties I was certain I could never make it through. And I have been blessed with a loving, hard-working, Christian husband (not that he’s perfect, just in case he’s reading this), and wonderful children and grandchildren.

But...

As much as I love my daughters and grand/daughters, spending 40+ years from age 19 to 60 raising them has been a J.O.B.  And one that isn’t ending any time soon.

They are really good people, and people I cherish, but they are still human beings. And humans...all of us...can be challenging.

Imagine taking a job at age 19...not just any job, but one that requires you to be actively working, or at least on-call, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year...for FORTY YEARS.

Every day you show up to work, and instead of a paycheck you are rewarded with criticism. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Often, by more than one person. Nothing you do is ever good enough, and usually it’s just WRONG. You can’t seem to ever figure out what anyone wants because that seems to change with each sunrise. So you try to master the fine art of mind reading, but you fail at that, too. 

You fail at EVERYTHING. 

Everyone seems to be unhappy and it’s somehow your fault. EVERYTHING is your fault. You’re the most unimportant, insignificant creature ever created, but somehow everyone else’s happiness rests on your weary shoulders.

I want to resign. Or retire. Or at least recharge. But those are all rather difficult with a still-active 24/7/365/40+ year commitment.

Maybe that’s the answer. Or so I’ve been told by my employers. 

I need to be committed. 

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Mountains and Tides

Earlier today I began writing a post, excited to talk about how God has been working in my life lately. I also planned to mention the inevitability that difficult days would return from time to time.

And just like that, today became one of those days.

Before I could finish writing about how the tide seemed to be turning, a giant wave crashed over me. Once again I feel like I’m drowning.

The song I had already planned to share seems even more beautiful in light of this turn of events. Some days all we see are mountains looming ahead. Too often we let them obscure our view of God, who is waiting and able to move those mountains or to simply pick us up in His loving arms and carry us to the other side.




Friday, June 15, 2018

Masculine Birthday Card

I needed a masculine card and thought it was the perfect excuse to play with a new (to me) technique.

I used the stencil Burlap from the Stampers Anonymous Tim Holtz Collection along with texture paste to create the kraft cardstock base panel. The sentiment was created using the Straight Talk - Birthday die from Technique Tuesday along with a Spellbinders Nestabilities Large Deckled Rectangles die to create the rectangle onto which I stamped "wishes". I also cut a larger deckled rectangle from patterned kraft paper to place behind the sentiment, added a strip of vintage-looking patterned paper, then tied some jute twine around the entire panel and attached everything to a basic card base.

Thanks for visiting!

Friday, June 8, 2018

Graduation Shaker Card


I created this shaker card for my grand/daughter's middle school graduation. She is now finishing her sophomore year of high school. I'm a bit behind.

(I just realized that could be misconstrued. I'm not two years behind in making the card, just in posting.)

The cute little graduate and sentiment are from the Cricut cartridge Create a Friend. I added a cardinal from the cartridge 50 States to represent the school mascot.  I added lots of gold and red sequins to the shaker along with sky-themed paper for the background.

Now it's time to start working on her high school graduation card if I hope to have it finished by 2020. Look for the post around 2022.

Thanks for visiting!



Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Soccer Card

It's been a while since I've posted--so long, in fact, that I needed a "how-to" refresher!

No great creative masterpiece here, just a simple card I made for a young man halfway across the world. I love using my Cricut Explore to create cards to let others know that someone is thinking of them. Don't we all need that once in a while???

Images can be found on the following Cricut cartidges:

Soccer Ball - Life's a Party
Cloud - Hello Kitty Greetings
Grass - ZooBalloo



Thanks for visiting!