An Old Lady Telling a Story

I've spent an inordinate amount of my life whining about things that can't be changed. If you've read my blog before, you are probably well aware of this fact. If not, and if you want to see what I'm really all about, feel free to scour the archives. But for now, on with the story...


I recently turned 60, and I wasn't happy about it.

Don't get me wrong--I'm beyond grateful that I made it this far. Most of the time. But 60 is a big number, and it seemed to be the one that signaled to me that time was running out. There are so many things I still want to do. Things I thought I'd already be doing. Things I might never get a chance to do. Ships that have sailed without me.

I was struggling to deal with all these emotions, and feeling guilty because a Christian shouldn't be depressed about getting one step closer to Heaven. Besides, life isn't all that bad. And after 40 years of raising children, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel (maybe I should stop saying that at this late stage of life).

And the truth is, the thing that was most depressing to me was living so far from my family.

I am lucky enough to have one daughter and my two grand/daughters close by (one in my own house--you can't get much closer than that!). But my other daughter and her family live hundreds of miles away. And the little grandchildren are growing up so fast--the youngest is only four months old, and changing by the day!

My sisters and brother, my built-in, lifelong friends, the people who know me all too well...and love me anyway, also live hundreds of miles away. And I miss them. I feel so disconnected. Life gets busy and it's hard to get quality time with each of them on holiday visits when there is a house full of people trying to catch up with each other in a short span of time.

So there I was feeling sorry for myself and trying really hard not to. My husband and children who live nearby all celebrated with me on my birthday, and it was lovely. They gave me gifts and beautiful, heartfelt cards. I felt loved.

But I was still 60.

When the day was over, I settled in to wait for death.

I woke up the next morning (thankfully), and it was just another day. Except I was old. Sixty years old, to be exact. Okay, it was finally here and I could stop worrying about it. But man, that number really hit hard. I've never been hit by a number before. My husband and I would be doing our usual Friday night routine at the end of the day...dinner and a trip to Costco (don't steal that phrase because I plan to write a book some day).

Anyway, I struggled to put makeup on my 60-year-old face, "style" my thinning hair, and clothe my thickening body. It was an epic fail, but off to dinner we went.

When we returned a few hours later, I walked into the house dragging my oversized Costco supplies, and was blindsided...

"SURPRISE!!!!!!!"

I couldn't believe what I saw. My loved ones had driven hundred of miles to celebrate my birthday with me!!! And my long-suffering husband, who had spent the last several months listening to me obsess over turning 60, had spent those same few months planning a surprise birthday party for me!!!

I was humbled. Having long felt isolated, lonely, and old, all too often I made everything all about me. I'm not proud of that. But when you spend so much of your life inside your own head, it's easy to do. I instantly felt ashamed that I wallow in self-pity so much. After all, it isn't all about me.

But for one amazing weekend, my family made me feel like it was.

Most of the crew, sharing the beauty of God's creation with me (we did pick up our trash)