I've been struggling against God and His will for my life for a long time now. I guess it's human nature, and contrary to popular opinion, I am human. But I had other plans, and I couldn't convince Him to get on board. Trust me---in these situations, it's a losing battle. God always wins.
I love my granddaughters more than life itself. But I always thought that when I finished the task of raising my own children (and it wasn't an easy one), I'd have many good years left to spend with my husband having all sorts of exciting adventures. But before our baby finished high school, we found ourselves raising our first grandchild. And then our second. Fifteen years later, our lives are consumed with school, after-school activities, post-after-school activities, and all the expenses that go along with such an exciting lifestyle.
I've been known to grumble about these responsibilities (sometimes on this very blog!). But once in a while, when I pull myself out of the black hole of despair and back to reality, I realize the task God gave me isn't without its rewards. I have two beautiful, kindhearted, loving granddaughters who warm my heart and make me feel hopeful for the future. They have persevered during some very difficult times and are becoming wonderful young women. And somehow, my selfish outbursts during times of extreme distress don't seem to have harmed them. They are thriving.
When I read stories in the Bible of all the great men and women who came before me, I feel shame. My time on earth will only be remembered, briefly, by those in my very close circle of family and friends. I won't go down in history as a remarkable person. I doubt a Google search of my name will yield any results five years after I'm gone. But if my greatest legacy is that I gave two precious children the best life possible, I can live with that.