Life Changing Events

After 18 years in a vegetative state, my (ever-so-slightly) older sister passed away on Saturday.

I'm not sure the reality has quite hit me yet. I don't think I've had enough "alone time" to process it. With a family and responsibilities, life tends to go on as usual...even when it's not.

The last two weeks were filled with death and the overwhelming sense of loss we feel when someone we love and/or respect leaves this earth...and us...behind. I was saddened to learn of the passing of George H. W. Bush, a man I truly believe wanted the best for America and her citizens. Then my son-in-law learned of the tragic death of his aunt, which was terribly heartbreaking for his entire family.

My sister's death, as surprising as this sounds, was unexpected. I suppose my siblings and I have all spent the past 18 years knowing it was coming, but it still seemed to come out of the blue. Teresa had been through so much since her surgery and the complications that followed, and after the death of our mother (who lovingly cared for her at home for the first 6 1/2 years), her transfer to a nursing home signaled the beginning of many hospitalizations. But she had held on through so many dire circumstances that we were beginning to believe she would outlive us all.

Big sister, Teresa, looking out for me as usual

So today my heart is heavy, but there is also a sense of joy deep within because I truly believe she's in the arms of Jesus and reunited with our parents. Growing up, we were always encouraged to attend church, even though our parents didn't take us. I honestly don't remember exactly when or under what circumstances my siblings accepted Jesus as their Savior, but I feel confident that Teresa did at some point. I remember seeing her reading her Bible as a teenager, when all I cared about was trying to read whether some boy liked me or not.

Teresa and I both sometimes veered off the path God desired for us, and I think often the Christian community looks at people who make certain types of mistakes and declares that we must not be Christians because true Christians would never commit that particular sin.

I disagree.

I'm no Bible scholar or great theologian, and I am terribly, terribly flawed, so I usually avoid "preaching" to anybody (no matter what my children think). But as I try to comprehend the transition from this life to eternity, I want to share my thoughts and experiences because I don't want anyone to die without knowing and loving Jesus, the Creator who loved us so much He was willing to leave His perfect home in Heaven and die on a cross to give us new life in Him. And as the pastor of my church sometimes says, if anything I say isn't accurate or true, I pray God will somehow correct my mistake (so if this post mysteriously disappears from cyberspace, that might explain why.)

I became a Christian as a young child. It was so very long ago and I was so young that I don't remember much about the experience. But what I do know is that I was a painfully timid child, so I know I would never have walked alone down that church aisle if I hadn't truly wanted Jesus to be my Savior. And as I look back on my young life, I remember so many missteps, but I also remember the Holy Spirit alerting me when I was doing something sinful. I often still did it, but I use these memories to remind myself that the Holy Spirit was living inside me, guiding me as much as I would allow. Becoming a Christian doesn't make us perfect; it only makes us perfectly restored in God's eyes. It backspaces over our sins and lets us begin our story fresh. We will probably sin again tomorrow, but if we're truly redeemed by God's amazing grace we will want to please Him by the way we live our lives, even in the midst of repeated failures. So we repent and ask for forgiveness, and our sins are erased again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Jesus stated, "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." (Luke 18:17, ESV).   To me this means we can't come to Jesus with the idea of earning our salvation or of being "good enough", but we must open our hearts with complete child-like trust and accept the forgiveness that is offered through Christ's redeeming blood. Thinking back to your childhood, you probably took for granted that your parents loved you and would always provide for your needs. You didn't worry about being worthy. You simply accepted their love and care. All too often we try to make faith in Jesus complicated, when we should just be willing to accept what He offers us. I know in my own life when I receive a generous gift, it makes me want to do something generous in return or at least show my appreciation. Quite frequently I get sidetracked, and my good intentions are delayed or never happen. I think when we accept the overwhelming forgiveness Jesus offers, we find ourselves wanting to honor Him with our service, but frequently find ourselves drawn in other directions by day-to-day life. So our faith is genuine, but our lives don't reflect the gratitude we feel toward God. We mean well, but we get distracted by life and our sinful nature. But as we study God's Word to learn more about Him, and as we spend time in worship and communication with Him, we find ourselves more desperately wanting to bring honor and glory to His holy name through the way we live our lives. It's a life-long process of growth that begins with the seed of child-like faith.

I recently told a new friend that I must be the slowest-growing Christian to ever receive God's amazing grace and mercy. (Not wanting to scare her off, I didn't reveal all the ugly details that pointed to this truth!) But I tell you all this to say you don't have to wait until your life is all cleaned up to accept the salvation Jesus offers to each and every one of us. You simply offer your life to Him and let the Spirit work through you. There will be many times you will mess up. In my case, many, MANY times over the course of many, many years. But our earthly lives are only a blip in eternity, and we have no way of knowing how long that blip will last. Eternity is forever. Wouldn't you want to spend it with the God who loves you just as you are? The One who created you for a purpose and wants to lead you through the life He set forth just for you? You might think there's so much you would have to give up to follow Jesus. As someone who indulged in many of life's so-called pleasures, I assure you that after letting Jesus begin to conform you into the person He always intended you to be, you won't really miss the life you knew before. Most of those "pleasures" were really just you trying to fill the God-sized hole in your heart. He created us to have a relationship with Him, and until we do, there's nothing else that will fill that emptiness we feel. Even after we accept Him into our lives, we will most likely still let our sinful desires overtake us from time to time. And that's when the Holy Spirit will remind us that we are looking in the wrong place for fulfillment and joy. Those are the times we need to step away from what the world is telling us we need and instead spend time with God.

Open your heart to Jesus. Your life will never be the same. And that's the best thing that could ever happen to you.

Happy Birthday, Teresa

Today my older sister, Teresa, turns 60. It's a bittersweet day because she has been in a vegetative state for 17 years, but as long as she's alive I won't stop asking God for a miracle. And if that isn't His plan, I pray He will give her comfort as long as she's here.

Teresa has loved giraffes since she was a teen, so I try to use them in her cards as much as possible. This giraffe was cut on my Cricut Explore using the cartridge Bits and Pieces, the tree was cut from the Heritage cartridge, and I hand-cut the grass along the bottom.

I used Tim Holtz Distress Oxide inks to create the sunset background (or sunrise, if you prefer). I die cut the sun using my Sizzix Big Shot and a circle die, then backed it with shimmery paper. I used craft foam to create dimension between the sky and sun, but because I used a good bit of liquid glue to attach the front panel to the card base, I inadvertently caused a reaction with the distress oxide inks. (I tried to minimize the damage by adding a little more ink and pretending it was all intentional.)

I wanted to acknowledge Teresa's milestone birthday, but in a subtle way, so I simply stamped "60" in VersaMark ink on the tree trunk and embossed it with clear embossing powder.

As always, I really appreciate that you took a few moments to visit!

Thinking of you card

I made this card for my sister, Teresa, to remind her I haven't forgotten her.  I decided to take a crack at "fussy cutting" some elements from a K & Company paper pack, Life's Journey.  I also cut a giraffe from Tim Holtz grungepaper using the Cricut cartridge Martha Stewart Birthday Cake Art  (Teresa's cards always need a giraffe).  I used my Tim Holtz texture hammer in an attempt to add a little dimension to the giraffe, but unfortunately it didn't end well.  (Sorry, little giraffe.  I must have been having a really bad day.)  

Thanks for stopping by!

Giraffe Card

I wanted to make a card for my sister, Teresa, just to say, "I love you".  I've written several times before about how she loved giraffes, and how she has been in a vegetative state for almost 15 years now.  I can't visit her very often since we live hundreds of miles apart, so I like to send cards once in a while to let her know how much she means to me.  My other sisters, who live in our hometown and visit her regularly, are kind enough to deliver my cards and read them to her.  (They are my heroes for all they do for Teresa, even though they have families and other responsibilities that keep them plenty busy.)

The giraffe was cut from the Cricut cartridge Wall Decor and More.  The background was embossed with the Darice embossing folder Corner Scroll.   I finished with a stamped sentiment (and some really bad photography).

Thanks so much for visiting!

Another Giraffe Card for Teresa

I've written several times about my sister, Teresa, her love of giraffes, and the tragedy that changed all our lives.  She recently had another birthday, which under the circumstances is both heartbreaking and a blessing.    As much as we hate to see her suffer, as long as she lives we have hope that God will give us a miracle and bring her back to us.

I thought I had used every giraffe image on every Cricut cartridge I own until I remembered Noah's ABC Animals, which I had only recently purchased (and by "recently" I mean within the past two years--not nearly enough time to have actually used it.).  It was nice to have something new that I hadn't sent to Teresa before.  I'll always make cards with giraffes for Teresa, at least until the day she wakes up and tells me "Enough with the giraffes!!!"  I long for that day.

In addition to using Noah's ABC Animals to cut the giraffe, I used a Spellbinders die from the Labels 25 set for the blue background.  Adding a little ink and twine made me feel like an artist.

Thanks for visiting!

"Miss You" Card for Teresa

 

When I buy Cricut cartridges I like to make sure they work before I forget I have them.  One that I recently bought was Birthday Bash, which had caught my attention because of this adorable roller-skating giraffe.  My sister, Teresa, collected giraffe figurines for many years, and I try to send her cards (usually with a giraffe image) as often as possible to let her know I'm thinking of her.   Since I had several new cartridges to test, it seemed like the perfect excuse to make a card for my sister.

 

In addition to the giraffe from Birthday Bash, I used Martha Stewart Elegant Cake Art for the sentiment "Miss You" and the clouds are from the lite cartridge Dino Play.

 

 

 

 Thanks for looking!

Giraffe Wobble Card

 

 I'm running out of giraffe designs to use on Teresa's cards.  I found this one on the Cricut cartridge Life's a Party.  It's one of those cuts you might never notice.  You can find it on the card/shift creative feature from the Mother-to-Be hat, which is on page 59 of my handbook.  The handbook shows it as what I would call a "negative space design", in which you would actually discard the giraffe cuts and use the window shape that remains.  Instead I used Cricut Craft Room to hide the rectangular border (a step you could skip if you don't use a computer design program with your Cricut machine) so that only the giraffe pieces were cut.

 

Because the giraffe shape didn't have layering pieces, I decided to ink an embossing folder (from the Cuttlebug set Animal Print) and run the head and body through my Sizzix Big Shot for added color and dimension.   Admittedly this print probably belongs on a cheetah, but sometimes you have to work with what you have.  I'll obsess over acquiring a giraffe embossing folder later.

 

Since the head and body are two separate pieces, I thought it would be fun to put the head on a wobble spring (you can almost see the motion in the second photo).   I found a tutorial to make my own on Linda Kaiser's blog, The Paper Boutique (thanks, Linda!).   To complete the card I stamped "Happy Birthday" on a balloon shape, added some cording, and tied the balloon to the giraffe's tail.  A little ribbon along the bottom "tied" it all together.

 

 

New Beginnings (And a Card)

Lately I don't know what's going on in my head.  It could be the effects of menopause, or maybe I haven't quite come to terms with the realities of my life.  Either way, I need a fresh start.  I can't run away from my life--and honestly, I don't think that's what I need or want--but something needs to change for my sake and the sake of everyone around me.  It's after midnight, so the only thing I can do tonight (except pray, which I've done and continue to do nonstop) is to find a project I haven't posted and share it with you.  Maybe it will remind me that there's a world outside my own head, and it isn't all bad.

(Image is from Cricut Cartridge A Child's Year)

Maybe this isn't the best project to remind me of the good things in life, or maybe it is the best thing for me right now.  It reminds me to appreciate the ones we love while we still can, because in a flash they can be taken from us.

I made this card a while back for my sister, Teresa, just to let her know I love her and am always thinking of her.  As I've shared with you before, she's been in a persistent vegetative state for over a decade now, but I still miss her constantly.  I remember how as a girl she always had a book in her hand, and when she wasn't reading it she was collecting four-leaf clovers and placing them between the pages.  She was a dreamer, but her dreams were cut short due to complications from a surgical procedure.  I want my memories of her to be a catalyst for me to make the most of my life, whatever it is that God has in store for me.

Life is often difficult.  We can make plans for our own lives (and we should), but ultimately we need to accept God's plan if we are to be happy.  Quite often they aren't the same.  It's impossible to sit here on this planet and understand how the disappointment and grief we feel in the present can be necessary in the big picture.  That's when we rely on a little thing called faith.  And a lot of prayer.

A Card for Teresa

I made this card for my (slightly) older sister, Teresa.  Trying to come up with ideas for cards is always difficult for me.  When it comes to cards for Teresa, the concept is always the same:  giraffes.  It's the sentiment that I find incredibly difficult.

How do you wish a happy birthday to someone who no longer knows happiness?  As I've written before, Teresa suffered surgical complications many years ago that left her in a vegetative state.  I wish I could send her a fun, lighthearted card because that's the kind of sister she always was.  I want to kid her about growing older, and especially the fact that she's older than me.  But that isn't how we celebrate her birthday anymore.

I miss my big sister.  She's always in my heart and on my mind.  I'm sure she wishes I'd stop sending her cards with giraffes; she had packed away her collection of giraffe figurines long before her illness took her companionship from us.  But as I wrote inside her card, if she wants me to send something besides giraffes, she needs to tell me so.  God performs miracles.  I would love it if He'd send one Teresa's way.

On your birthday, Teresa, I'm wishing that you feel all the love we have for you.

A Tale of Two Sisters

We couldn't have been more different, Teresa and me.  She was friendly and outgoing; I was ridiculously shy.  She was the life of the party; I just wanted to stay home.  She was extremely smart and opinionated; I was deathly afraid to speak my mind.  She was my big sister and I adored her.

We were born thirteen months apart and whether she liked it or not, I was her shadow.  I depended on her to help me navigate the scary world outside our front door.  Frankly, I was a pest.  But I'm pretty sure she loved me anyway.

Ten years ago, Teresa suffered complications after a surgical procedure and has been in a vegetative state since.  I miss her like crazy.  She had so much to offer the world and I feel that we were all cheated.   I've awakened many nights after dreaming that she miraculously recovered, only to face the reality that it will almost certainly never happen.  And the sadness washes over me once again.  I want so much to have a conversation with her.  She always made me feel that I could do anything.

Yesterday was her birthday.  I wish I could have picked up the phone and called her like I did so many years ago.  Sometimes a girl just needs her big sister.