Joyful

I've written before about the major detour my life has taken and the toll that detour has taken on my psyche.  Before I get down to business, here's a brief recap:

My husband and I planned our lives carefully.  We had started married life as a family of three since I already had a five-year-old child, and we added another daughter soon after. From the beginning our lives revolved around the needs of our children (which was, of course, as it should be). But as we approached the dreaded milestone of turning 30 (in hindsight, it wasn't the big number we thought it was), we decided our little family was complete. And truthfully, we were already envisioning entering mid-life with only ourselves to take care of, and the freedom to do what we wanted for a change. Maybe we were already tired.

But before we had a chance to catch our breath, we found ourselves raising our two granddaughters. To say I haven't always been happy about the decades of added responsibilities is a major understatement, but contrary to popular belief I've always loved these girls beyond measure. I just had a lot of resentment regarding the circumstances that required this change in plans.

As the saying goes, we make plans and God laughs.

Of course, we now see that His plans are, indeed, better than anything we could dream up in our tiny human brains.  Our granddaughters seem to be on the right track. They're smart and funny and capable of having bright futures if they continue to make good choices. Most importantly, they've chosen to follow Jesus. Hopefully, they'll always look to Him when the darkness of this world tries to overtake them.

But back to the purpose of this post.

God is clearly using this Titanic-sized alteration of my life plans to teach me a thing or two.  I'm learning to think in terms of what God placed me here to do, not what I want out of this life.  I'm learning to turn to Him when life gets too difficult or my insecurities threaten to consume me.  I'm learning to forgive...slowly.  And I'm learning to embrace joy even when happiness eludes me.

I've been trying to explain this last concept to my husband for a while now.  I haven't felt that I was getting through.  Or maybe he wasn't listening.  Either one is possible.  And I was beginning to wonder if I had lost my marbles.  I mean, really, can a person be unhappy yet filled with joy???

Yes. A thousand times yes.

And today, I heard this idea clearly stated on the radio station K-LOVE, so it's no longer just my own delusion. Someone else thinks the same thing.  And from past experience I know that as soon as someone else says something I've been saying for years, all of a sudden my husband thinks it's a valid point.

Here's a link to the article, just in case you, like my husband, need to see it written by someone else before you're ready to believe it's possible:  How to Get Joy and Keep It

Yes, a Christian can be sad, depressed, and disappointed yet still feel immense joy deep within.  Jesus can do that for you.  I'm hoping that eventually, as I learn to let go of my will and accept His, I'll start to find true contentment even in the midst of disappointment. And maybe my life can reflect just a tiny bit of the love that God has shone down on me.

A Very Happy Place

Sometimes life can seem really good.  Little things make all the difference in the world.  My granddaughters are often behind the wheel of the vehicle that drives me over the edge.  But some days they can make me feel like the luckiest woman alive.

Today, for no good reason at all, my 12-year-old granddaughter held my hand.  In a public place.  Well, until she thought someone might see us.  But that was enough to keep a smile on my face for a long, long time.

I Was Pushed!





What a difference another day makes.  (To see how far I've fallen in 24 hours, read yesterday's post filled with foolish optimism and an unhealthy dose of naivete.)

Yesterday I was on top of the world.  Yep, I was looking down on my kingdom, and life was good.  I knew it wouldn't last.  Couldn't last.  After all, I'm raising three kids (two granddaughters and my husband). 

Kids are stupid.  Well, they act stupid.  All three of mine do, anyway.  The oldest grandchild crammed a ring on her finger and couldn't get it off.  The story I heard was that she actually had to use lotion to get it on her finger (stupid act #1).  At some point in the middle of the night she realized her finger was swelling so she tried to remove the ring.  Gotta give her some credit, though--she got up and searched the internet for advice.  How did we survive before the internet?  Forget that we didn't use child safety seats, seatbelts or bike helmets.  We didn't have the world wide web. 

When morning came and the ring was starting to become one with her finger, she showed it to her grandfather.  He gave her two choices:  let him cut it off (the ring, not her finger) or go to school, ring intact.  Now, understand this is the same man who's gullible enough to let her stay home because she "has a stomachache". But a ring buried in the flesh of her finger???  That's no reason to miss school!  (Stupid act #2, and it's only 7 a.m.  But in his defense, she has missed too much school. And men just don't have the genetic predisposition we mothers have that forces us to worry "what if?" when it comes to children and matters of health.)

Now I must confess that I slept through the morning drama.  I can't sleep at night (any wonder why?), so I sleep when I can.  Usually I fall asleep when the sun is rising and I no longer fear that someone will sneak out of or into my house.  So I guess I'll admit to stupid act #3--being oblivious.

Fast forward to 11 a.m.  Yes, I was up finally.  The phone rang; it was my granddaughter's school calling to inform me that she had a ring embedded in her finger.  They had tried to remove it, but it wasn't budging.  Since the school couldn't risk causing her further injury, they wanted us to pick her up and do the damage ourselves.

Long story short (okay, still too long), we eventually had to cut the ring off and her finger will be just fine.  But my feelings of invincibility from yesterday had been shattered.   That's what family will do--when you fly too close to the sun, they'll sneak up behind you and knock you safely to the ground where you belong.