Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Every Day God Gives Me a Do-over, and For That I am Truly Thankful

First, I hope my neighbors didn't observe my meltdown last night.  Second, I'm sorry my family did.

I'm falling apart.  Years of relentless stress have taken their toll.  I just don't have the energy it takes to go on.  But go on I must.  There are children to be raised and a home to make.

I've written before about the difficulties I've faced trying to raise my granddaughters without benefit of a healthy childhood to prepare me for life.  I'm not sure why, but God keeps picking me up and blessing me in spite of myself.  God is good that way.

Life isn't perfect.  We're still digging ourselves out of the financial hole we fell into when the economy tanked.  I'm struggling to be a mother to two beautiful, wonderful children who deserve so much better than what I have to give.  But we still have our home, crumbling though it is after two decades.  My husband has a job, and it seems it might finally start to pay enough that we can stop draining our home equity and retirement accounts (since we've pretty much depleted them by now). And we are relatively healthy for a couple of old folks.  But most of all, God watches over us.  And that brings me more joy than I can ever express.

I was reading a blog today about a woman who is losing her husband to cancer.  I can't imagine how a person gets through such an experience.  I've grieved when I lost loved ones, but my husband is my best friend.  Even when I want to strangle him, I know my life would be so empty without him in it. I pray God will give us both many more years so we can finally experience each other without the constant strain of raising a family.  I want to travel with him.  I want to walk on the beach with him...and only him.  Heck, I just want to have dinner alone with him.

I pray God will give me the strength to be a better person and help me appreciate all I've been given. But most of all, I pray He will guide my path so that I can honor Him.  It's the least I can do.

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