After 18 years in a vegetative state, my (ever-so-slightly) older sister passed away on Saturday.
I'm not sure the reality has quite hit me yet. I don't think I've had enough "alone time" to process it. With a family and responsibilities, life tends to go on as usual...even when it's not.
The last two weeks were filled with death and the overwhelming sense of loss we feel when someone we love and/or respect leaves this earth...and us...behind. I was saddened to learn of the passing of George H. W. Bush, a man I truly believe wanted the best for America and her citizens. Then my son-in-law learned of the tragic death of his aunt, which was terribly heartbreaking for his entire family.
My sister's death, as surprising as this sounds, was unexpected. I suppose my siblings and I have all spent the past 18 years knowing it was coming, but it still seemed to come out of the blue. Teresa had been through so much since her surgery and the complications that followed, and after the death of our mother (who lovingly cared for her at home for the first 6 1/2 years), her transfer to a nursing home signaled the beginning of many hospitalizations. But she had held on through so many dire circumstances that we were beginning to believe she would outlive us all.
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| Big sister, Teresa, looking out for me as usual |
So today my heart is heavy, but there is also a sense of joy deep within because I truly believe she's in the arms of Jesus and reunited with our parents. Growing up, we were always encouraged to attend church, even though our parents didn't take us. I honestly don't remember exactly when or under what circumstances my siblings accepted Jesus as their Savior, but I feel confident that Teresa did at some point. I remember seeing her reading her Bible as a teenager, when all I cared about was trying to read whether some boy liked me or not.
Teresa and I both sometimes veered off the path God desired for us, and I think often the Christian community looks at people who make certain types of mistakes and declares that we must not be Christians because true Christians would never commit that particular sin.
I disagree.
I'm no Bible scholar or great theologian, and I am terribly, terribly flawed, so I usually avoid "preaching" to anybody (no matter what my children think). But as I try to comprehend the transition from this life to eternity, I want to share my thoughts and experiences because I don't want anyone to die without knowing and loving Jesus, the Creator who loved us so much He was willing to leave His perfect home in Heaven and die on a cross to give us new life in Him. And as the pastor of my church sometimes says, if anything I say isn't accurate or true, I pray God will somehow correct my mistake (so if this post mysteriously disappears from cyberspace, that might explain why.)
I became a Christian as a young child. It was so very long ago and I was so young that I don't remember much about the experience. But what I do know is that I was a painfully timid child, so I know I would never have walked alone down that church aisle if I hadn't truly wanted Jesus to be my Savior. And as I look back on my young life, I remember so many missteps, but I also remember the Holy Spirit alerting me when I was doing something sinful. I often still did it, but I use these memories to remind myself that the Holy Spirit was living inside me, guiding me as much as I would allow. Becoming a Christian doesn't make us perfect; it only makes us perfectly restored in God's eyes. It backspaces over our sins and lets us begin our story fresh. We will probably sin again tomorrow, but if we're truly redeemed by God's amazing grace we will want to please Him by the way we live our lives, even in the midst of repeated failures. So we repent and ask for forgiveness, and our sins are erased again. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Jesus stated, "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it." (Luke 18:17, ESV). To me this means we can't come to Jesus with the idea of earning our salvation or of being "good enough", but we must open our hearts with complete child-like trust and accept the forgiveness that is offered through Christ's redeeming blood. Thinking back to your childhood, you probably took for granted that your parents loved you and would always provide for your needs. You didn't worry about being worthy. You simply accepted their love and care. All too often we try to make faith in Jesus complicated, when we should just be willing to accept what He offers us. I know in my own life when I receive a generous gift, it makes me want to do something generous in return or at least show my appreciation. Quite frequently I get sidetracked, and my good intentions are delayed or never happen. I think when we accept the overwhelming forgiveness Jesus offers, we find ourselves wanting to honor Him with our service, but frequently find ourselves drawn in other directions by day-to-day life. So our faith is genuine, but our lives don't reflect the gratitude we feel toward God. We mean well, but we get distracted by life and our sinful nature. But as we study God's Word to learn more about Him, and as we spend time in worship and communication with Him, we find ourselves more desperately wanting to bring honor and glory to His holy name through the way we live our lives. It's a life-long process of growth that begins with the seed of child-like faith.
I recently told a new friend that I must be the slowest-growing Christian to ever receive God's amazing grace and mercy. (Not wanting to scare her off, I didn't reveal all the ugly details that pointed to this truth!) But I tell you all this to say you don't have to wait until your life is all cleaned up to accept the salvation Jesus offers to each and every one of us. You simply offer your life to Him and let the Spirit work through you. There will be many times you will mess up. In my case, many, MANY times over the course of many, many years. But our earthly lives are only a blip in eternity, and we have no way of knowing how long that blip will last. Eternity is forever. Wouldn't you want to spend it with the God who loves you just as you are? The One who created you for a purpose and wants to lead you through the life He set forth just for you? You might think there's so much you would have to give up to follow Jesus. As someone who indulged in many of life's so-called pleasures, I assure you that after letting Jesus begin to conform you into the person He always intended you to be, you won't really miss the life you knew before. Most of those "pleasures" were really just you trying to fill the God-sized hole in your heart. He created us to have a relationship with Him, and until we do, there's nothing else that will fill that emptiness we feel. Even after we accept Him into our lives, we will most likely still let our sinful desires overtake us from time to time. And that's when the Holy Spirit will remind us that we are looking in the wrong place for fulfillment and joy. Those are the times we need to step away from what the world is telling us we need and instead spend time with God.
Open your heart to Jesus. Your life will never be the same. And that's the best thing that could ever happen to you.
