Nothing Wasted

My younger grand/daughter, who was just a baby last time I looked, got her learner's permit to drive recently. The years really do fly by. They just don't always feel that way while you're living them.

Ashamedly, I complain a lot here on my blog about the stress of raising my grand/daughters through what should have been my golden years. Make no mistake-- I love both girls with all my heart (and I wouldn't hesitate to take this journey again). But they've perfected the art of frustrating me with one misguided action or another. And I never had a moment to recover from the exhaustion of the previous 20 years I spent raising children before I found myself back where I started. When I'm not frustrated or exhausted, I feel very fortunate that my husband and I have been able to raise them. Unfortunately, there are few moments when I don't feel either frustrated or exhausted...or both.

(Truthfully, I still feel fortunate most days, but that usually only happens late at night when that day's challenges are behind me and all is quiet.)

One of the biggest regrets of my life is that I didn't have the strength to fully embrace and enjoy the opportunity to raise these precious girls. I think it can best be compared to the following scenario: You have the chance to take a once-in-a-lifetime, all-expenses paid trip around the world (well, maybe not "all-expenses paid"...it's been quite the costly adventure). But as much as you love the places you're visiting and the people you're traveling with, you're also suffering from a debilitating disease that makes every day of the trip feel like a chore instead of a vacation. And every day some new challenge arises that creates extra work just to get from point A to point B. Instead of enjoying the journey, you wonder if it will ever end. And because you started the trip exhausted and barely able to move, it takes a toll on everyone around you, too. You love the destination, you love your companions...but it just wasn't the best time to make the trip.

Are we there yet???!!!

God gave me a great gift in allowing me to spend the past 19 years attempting to guide and nurture two girls I love dearly. Unfortunately, He gave me the gift when I was already old and tired. I'm not questioning God's timing, but as with other events He allows for His purposes it's sometimes difficult to see the forest for the trees. But I'll keep praying for strength, regretting my failures, and loving these two girls even when they think they hate me. And I'll praise God because He wastes nothing, even if we do.

The sign says it all: Danger!