Sunday, October 18, 2015


I'm sitting here at 11:30 p.m. on a Saturday night wondering how I got here. I'm waiting on my two granddaughters to return home from their evening activities, and the earliest I can expect either of them is 1 a.m. My husband just went to bed after I finally convinced him that since I can't possibly fall asleep until both girls have made it safely home, there is no reason we should both be sleep-deprived.

Where are my golden years? 

I love these two girls more than life itself. But I'm watching my life slip away. It seems I'm always playing a waiting game--waiting for someone to need a ride, waiting for someone to get home at night, waiting, waiting, always waiting. But time doesn't wait for me. I'm not getting any younger.

I need peace. I need rest. I need a few good years to reconnect with my husband after decades of endless childraising. 

But time is almost up.

I'm more exhausted than ever. I haven't slept all week. I won't get enough sleep again tonight. And the only times my husband and I spent together all week included one or both granddaughters.

I'm waiting on a break.  And a little of the life I worked hard to achieve.

I find myself frequently telling the girls that life isn't fair. That no matter what we do that is good and responsible and kind and ethical, we will sometimes watch others who didn't do the right thing receive what we feel we deserve. It's simply part of life in a sinful world. We can't let it change who we are. The truth is, we might never see our reward until we get to spend eternity with God.

But the waiting isn't easy.

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