I'm praying for God to do some serious work on me right now. The devil has been working overtime.
I'm ashamed to admit I've let my frustrations show where my grand/daughters are concerned. I do think they need to learn that their actions aren't without consequences and that there are responsibilities in life. But some days my irritation shows before they've even fully entered a room.
In my defense, they are dirty little creatures, and fully capable of cleaning up after themselves. But they don't. And I'm overwhelmed.
Raising kids without abundant financial resources is exhausting. Trying to prepare a large home for future downsizing after 25 years is exhausting. Doing laundry and cleaning for two teenage girls is exhausting. Dealing with teenage drama is exhausting. Having teenage girls argue against everything you say is exhausting.
Getting out of bed...exhausting.
But God gave me a task, so He must have thought I could do it. With lots of help from Him, I'm trying my hardest.
So many outside forces are taking away my joy. If I could lock myself inside my crumbling home and never face the selfishness, judgment, and anger of others, I think I could breeze right through. But I can't. Life just doesn't work that way. So with a lot of prayer, I'm trying my best to cope. Knowing God is in control is sometimes all that keeps me going.
Even in the midst of days that seem to consume my very being, I thank God for loving me, a flawed woman who wakes up every day begging for forgiveness and a fresh start.