Life is difficult. Most days I feel alone. I struggle to feel useful. I rarely feel valued. And there's always the nagging feeling that I should have accomplished so much more in the five decades I've spent on earth.
How does anyone get through the day without knowing God and feeling His love?
I'm not preaching here; I'm SO not qualified for that job. But in the past few years, in my darkest days, I've come to feel such a sense of peace knowing God is in charge. I want everyone to know that feeling. In my everyday life, I fail so miserably in showing the same grace to others that God has shown to me. I'm not His best representative here on earth. But I want everyone to know, in our moments of deepest despair, God is there for us.
I'm not an outgoing person. Frankly, in the past decade I've found myself becoming more and more isolated. I've always suffered from low self-esteem, and, let's face it, sometimes people can be unkind and judgmental. When I left the workforce to be a stay-at-home grandmother I found myself avoiding the outside world as much as possible. No interaction...no judgment.
But I want anyone who is hurting (and who isn't?) and anyone who is lonely to know they can have comfort in the arms of Jesus.
Have you ever had that one friend who would do anything for you? Imagine that friend being willing to die for you. I heard someone on the radio say that he had a friend who had gotten into some trouble and was facing a prison sentence. He went on to say he realized he would never be willing to serve prison time for his friend even though they were very close, and that it really put into perspective what Jesus was willing to do for us. He took the death penalty for our sin.
If He was willing to do that for us, don't you think He cares enough to listen to our problems and be our friend?
The last several years have been extremely difficult for me. I had been looking forward to some time alone with my husband after our youngest child left for college, when all of a sudden we found ourselves raising our two granddaughters. I was angry and bitter for a very long time (I still have my moments). And honestly, I've reached my breaking point more than once. There are still days when I'm not sure how to go on.
But slowly I've found myself reaching out to God in a way I've never done before. And I find He's always there waiting to spend time with me. God never promised to make our lives perfect, just to carry us through whatever we face.
Life hasn't been easy, especially the "middle-ages". Nearly losing my mind wasn't pretty. But it has been the best thing that's ever happened to me.