There's something freaky about turning 50. You start to feel that time is running out, that you need to step up the pace to accomplish everything you should have done before now. And of course you can't quite figure out why you look so much older in photos and the mirror than you do in "real life". It's shocking when you discover that the "older person" you just met is the same age as you. You find yourself telling your offspring (and any other young people who'll give you the time of day) about how things were "back in my day". Everything starts to ache or sag, sometimes both at once. Whereas you and your spouse previously finished each others sentences, you find that now the two of you combined can't complete a single thought. Most magazines have at least one article where the author describes how liberating it was to turn 50, and the cover is usually graced by an over-50 celebrity who, if we are to believe what we're told, looks 35 because of genetics and healthy habits. And could someone please explain how the padding on the bottoms of my feet migrated to my thighs?
I'm old and I feel like crap. I want a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. I want to do fun things, but I'm too darn tired. And my feet hurt. I think I just need to get out of the house for a while. Now where did I leave my keys?